you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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