he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
