Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
