sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
