I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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