I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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