Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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