took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
