In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
