I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
