do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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