I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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