In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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