5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
