I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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