it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
