Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
