There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
