If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
