mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
