just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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