i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
