I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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