I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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