I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we made out on top of his cat.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
