I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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