You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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