he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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