Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
