she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I look better un-naked...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
