i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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