needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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