I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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