Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you didnt know i had herpes?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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