I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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