You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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