is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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