And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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