cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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