And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
