I don't think brook has ever known best
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
