How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
