pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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