You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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