Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
