You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
