Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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