you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
