my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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