Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize