You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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