Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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