just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I will be naked everywhere
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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