totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
