im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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