my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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