Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
