goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
