i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
