So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
