I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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