I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
