It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
