my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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