Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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