Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
