At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
